I have spent over 50 years bottling up my emotions. Probably to save embarrassment, pain or trauma of any kind. I think as a defence mechanism it has served me quite well. I haven’t been hurt too often in my life but on the down side I haven’t really lived my life the way it was meant to be lived, flat out and filled with a mixture of joy and sorrow. It has allowed me to stay pretty much on an even keel though and my progress has been slow and steady, like the tortoise in the fable. No harrowing spirals into depression but then again no real memories of unadulterated joy either. I envy those that cry with laughter, that dance when the mood takes them, or burst spontaneously into song because they just can’t hold it in anymore. That must be nice, but I don’t envy them the black times that follows those elated highs.
Its a strange thing emotion. So powerful, yet so dangerous when pointed in the wrong direction. It can bring a smile to a strangers day, a tear to a lovers eyes or terror to a child; and all with equal force. I don’t think that anyone can deny that emotion defines us as human beings. More than that though I have come to realise that it is the most important tool available to a spirit trapped in a physical, sense orientated, body. All we have is our conscious thought and the medium that it travels upon, emotion. During dreams I lose the reins on my emotions and they rise and fall to greater heights and depths than I ever could in a wakened state. This is good, this is what keeps a mind sane. And in these moments, the conscious intentions, that I hide away so well during the day, voyage outward from my centre. Using these emotion waves, like a surfer uses the tidal currents, they travel at speed across unknown boundaries of time/space. They come to rest, who knows where, and take seed. The ripples of the love thoughts that I have blow gently across the sands of some far off planet, bringing cool comfort to a nomadic soul on his own journey.
This process is far more dangerous during waking hours as we naturally struggle to remain focused in the present. If you send out a wave of positive emotion, into the spacious present, then you can let a specific intention piggyback on it. This intention will reach far into your probability field and engage with an event that will help you achieve your goals. However, if you allow the past or future to come into your mind then your belief systems will initiate responses that will negate that intention and drive you back to some past failure or to fabricate some future fear based disaster. The Ego has to keep stable, it has to keep your physical body safe from any changes that could cause danger, and it will do all in its power to deflect you from setting a course that may bring you more inner peace. Stability equals safety and there is no need for a deterrent system like the Ego in times of safety. Like a great war mad general the Ego demands more weapons with which to defend itself. It needs a nuclear arsenal to protect you from a world of invisible foes who all want to have what you have.
Now lets imagine a scenario where I am trying to set the universe in motion to bring me a new house, a house that will satisfy all my spiritual needs. I meditate and get myself into a good place. I now visualise what this house would look like and I start building up a good feeling about what it would be like to sit in the sunny garden whilst birds tweeted, water rippled and scented air whispered through my small orchard. I’m feeling good and the positive emotion created from this imagination is expanding out from me. I can now request that the universe set wheels in motion to make this dream become my reality. Suddenly I let go for a second and I remember having and losing a similar house as a child. The pain and anguish of that event come flooding back like a black virus infecting the white flow of my lovingly built carrier wave. Now that past fear has corrupted my present thought and has been cast into my future as well. I think I can guess what kind of hell hole I’m going to end up in now. Back to the drawing board.
Many gurus and Mystics talk of clearing your past, as a preamble to any spirit work, and you can see why its important in a case like this. If I had spent years examining all those childhood events, finding the good that derived from them, negating any hurt, any fears, then they would not be able to ambush my present day dream manifestations. Sometimes you just need to scrape all the old oil paint from your pallet, before you can stock up with new vibrant colours. You almost always have to destroy to create a new masterpiece. Exorcise your demons before you create carbon copies of them, time and time again. And once you have let your good intentions loose on a wave of love and gratitude then the universe will answer. Maybe not right away, and not always to the exact specifications that you ordered, but it will answer – just not the way you planned it.